Apple Martin has been accused of being a ‘mean girl’ by some people following her recent appearance at a debutante ball in Paris over the weekend.

Though fans of the daughter of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have defended the 20-year-old, others have accused her of apparently muscling in on another debutant’s photo opportunity.

It’s also been reported that she was seen rolling her eyes disdainfully at her eligible date, Count Leo Henckel von Donnersmarck during the event at the Le Bal des Débutantes, held in the $1,000-a-night Hotel Shangri-La. 

Although she may simply have been overexcited by the ‘pomp and circumstance’ of the occasion, these claims resulted in Apple being compared to archetypal ‘mean girl’, and Mean Girls character Regina George by some observers.

But what is a ‘mean girl’, and what prompts some to adopt this persona?

Mean Girl behaviours include actions like excluding members from a social group, gossiping about someone, or spreading rumours about them, and revealing secrets about someone to try and embarrass them.

In addition, getting multiple people to gang up together against an individual, and creating rules that people must follow to stay in a friendship group are among ‘mean girl’ behaviours.

Dr Lalitaa Suglani is a chartered clinical psychologist based in Birmingham. She told FEMAIL: ‘The term mean girl often refers to someone who uses relational aggression behaviours like gossiping, excluding others, silent treatment or emotional manipulation to basically maintain social power or status. From a psychological standpoint, this behaviour is often a reflection of deeper emotional and social dynamics – there can be so much more going on which I will explain further.’

Apple Martin (pictured, right) has been accused of being a ‘mean girl’ by some people following her recent appearance at a debutante ball in Paris over the weekend, due to claims that she apparently muscled in on another debutant’s photo opportunity among other behaviours

She explained that a significant driver of this behaviour is insecurity or low self-esteem.

‘Mean behaviour can act as a mask for vulnerability, as individuals put others down to feel a temporary boost in self-worth or to assert a sense of control,’ she explained.

For some, it’s a way of protecting themselves from perceived threats to their social standing. If someone struggles with low self esteem there are different ways it can present itself and one way is presenting as a so-called “mean girl”.’

Social hierarchies and peer pressure also play a role, according to the expert. She said: ‘Adolescence is a time when belonging to a group feels critically important. Within these tight-knit groups, relational aggression can be a way to maintain or elevate one’s position in a perceived social hierarchy. This need to “fit in” or gain popularity can sometimes come at the expense of kindness or empathy. People may want to feel the need to be looked up to as a sense of control which ultimately gives or provides them with a sense of safety.’

And another key factor listed by Dr Suglani is behavioural modelling. 

She explained: ‘Young people often mimic what they see in their environment in other places like at home, in the media, or even among peers. If a child grows up observing manipulation, disrespect, or aggression as normal behaviours, they may replicate these dynamics in their own social interactions.

‘Additionally, mean behaviour can stem from unregulated emotional responses. Adolescents who struggle to process feelings like jealousy, anger, or frustration may lash out without realising the full impact of their actions. Without healthy coping mechanisms, these emotions can drive harmful behaviours where they are not able to think about the impact it can have on others.’

Cultural and societal influences cannot be overlooked, Dr Suglani added, saying that the ‘pressure to appear “perfect” or to achieve social status can exacerbate relational aggression’. 

Regina George (pictured) a main character in the 2004 film Mean Girls, is one of the archetypes of this type of person (played by actress Rachel McAdams)

‘Social media has amplified this dynamic by creating platforms for comparison, validation, and even anonymous criticism. These pressures can feed into behaviours aimed at maintaining a curated image of dominance or desirability,’ she added.

‘Finally,’ the psychologist said, ‘a lack of empathy is often at the core of relational aggression. Developing empathy is a process that doesn’t come naturally to everyone, especially during adolescence. 

‘Without understanding or caring about the emotional impact of their actions, individuals may find it easier to engage in hurtful behaviours. This can also be a result of the brain structure at this age too.’

Laura Choate is the author of Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture. Writing several years ago, to mark the 15th anniversary of 2004 movie Mean Girls, she mused on why ‘girls have such a notorious reputation for drama, betrayal, and back-stabbing’.

She believes the way girls are socialised contributes to these types of ‘mean girl’ behaviour.

According to the author: ‘Girls learn from a very early age that they are expected to be emotionally expressive – for every emotion, that is, except anger. Our daughters learn the importance of relationships and the risks associated with expressing anger—if she makes someone mad, another girl might not want to be her friend any longer. 

‘So she learns to keep her opinions to herself instead of taking a risk that might cause a rift in the relationship. As a result, many girls never learn the skills they need for open, assertive communication or for effective conflict resolution.’

A post shared by Newport Academy reflected the same point. It pointed out: ‘Mean girl behaviours, also known as relational aggression, are a form of bullying that hinges on exclusion, backstabbing, and manipulation.’ 

The 2004 film Mean Girls was actually based on a non-fiction book called Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman (pictured L-R: Lacey Chabert pictured as Gretchen Wieners, with Rachel McAdams as Regina George, Lindsay Lohan as Cady Heron, and Amanda Seyfried as Karen Smith in a promotional shot for the film)

The post also noted that this type of relational aggression is different to that seen between boys, which tends to take the form of physical bullying and name-calling.

It noted that it can be complicated to answer why girls can be so ‘mean’, and there are multiple reasons.

Like author Laura Choate, the post noted that the way girls are conditioned to behave is a major factor. A big part of this, it added, is that girls are taught not to show anger, and to behave in a way that is ‘nice’.    

It explained: ‘As a result, girls don’t learn how to directly address conflict or hurt feelings within friendships. The natural emotions of anger and hurt are distorted into passive-aggressive comments or badmouthing other girls behind their backs.’

In addition to this, the messaging around how important friendships are means that it is impressed upon girls that it is very important that they have friends and belong to social groups.

The result of this, is that friendships are so important, that they can be weaponised, and the threat of ostracisation can be used by ‘mean girls’ to ensure that others behave in the ‘correct’ way within their friend group.

In other words, those at the top of the social groups can threaten others with being thrown out of their circle if they don’t behave in certain ways. 

The film Mean Girls was based on a non-fiction book – Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman. In the book, the author broke down the typical roles girls assume within cliques.

Among them are the ‘charismatic, forceful, pretty and manipulative’ Queen Bee, who is popular, powerful, and the centre of attention. 

The Queen Bee usually has a second in command, known as the Sidekick, whose power within the group is reliant on this relationship.

One of the more mysterious members was defined in the book as the Banker, who is described as someone who ‘gains trust by dishing the details, but then uses the gained intelligence for her own benefit when the time is right’ – and is usually hard to identify due to being strategic and quiet. 

Another member, and one who will stand up to the Queen Bee is the Floater, who will spend time with multiple groups. Generally, Floaters do not use meanness to dominate others, and so are generally liked.

The final three members are the Torn bystander, who is often involved in conflicts because they are regularly torn between showing loyalty to the Queen Bee and doing the right thing.

Either in the group or trying to get in the group is the Pleaser/Wannabe/Messenger. They are characterised by their willingness to do anything to please others – most notably the Queen Bee or the Sidekick.

Finally, according to Rosalind Wiseman, is the Target, who is usually teased and excluded, often making them feel ashamed, and helpless. However, there is a benefit to being a Target, says the book, which is that this type tends to learn to be feel empathy for other underdogs. 

While it may seem difficult to break this cycle of cliques led by mean girls, according to Laura Choate, there are strategies that can be implemented by parents to try and help their daughters avoid getting caught up in these types of behaviours.

They include staying aware, ensuring you know what position your daughter has in her school’s social hierarchy. Education around relational aggression (as opposed to more overt bullying) can also alert girls to inappropriate behaviours.

Birmingham-based clinical psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani (pictured) spoke to FEMAIL about ‘mean girl’ behaviours and what can create them

Among other pointers, like helping girls evaluate their friendships and diversify their friendship groups (for example, to include those from activities outside of school), Laura also recommends trying to foster a leader, helping her to ‘pour her energy into a broader social issue that captures her interest’, and use anger more productively.

Clinical psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani told FEMAIL: ‘Understanding root causes is essential to addressing mean girl behaviour. 

‘Teaching empathy and helping young people consider others’ feelings and perspectives can be transformative and enable healthy connections / relationships. Building self-esteem through positive reinforcement and teaching resilience can help individuals feel confident without needing to put others down..

She continued: ‘Clear boundaries are also vital. Families, schools, and communities must model and enforce respect, kindness, and accountability in social interactions. Adolescents benefit from having safe outlets to express their emotions and learn constructive ways to cope with stress and insecurities.

‘Ultimately, addressing relational aggression requires a mix of education, emotional support, and accountability. The goal is to create environments where young people feel valued and supported without resorting to cruelty to navigate their social worlds.’